OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
