remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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