Did you just see the Batmobile???
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
