dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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