Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
