I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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