nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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