I am in a vortex of obligation.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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