for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize