Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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