I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
