And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
