I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
