So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I need to sanitize my soul.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize