I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize