he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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