what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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