Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
