so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
