I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
