Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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