I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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