Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
