i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
