my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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