ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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