After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
