I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
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mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
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Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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