What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
