yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
