I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
