Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
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Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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