Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
