Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
