I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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