Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
