ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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