I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
