Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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