I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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