Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
