i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
