I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
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You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
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And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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