It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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