My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
