i was rollin on her like bob the builder
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
