my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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