Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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