So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
