In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize