Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
