dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
