my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize