I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
