it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
