I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
