The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
