I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
