Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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