MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my being single is dangerous.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
