you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
