She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
