Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
