Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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