she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
