Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
