Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
time to smoke my breakfast
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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