Betty ford says i'm here all night
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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