Swine flu. Run for my life!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
