don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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