Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
