My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
