honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
