so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
ttyl tear gas
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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