I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you win again, gameday.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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