umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
