found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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